something... not nothing

so i really wanted to write something creative but i've got nothing. nothing is poping into my brain right now. i'm just so blah at the moment. like i don't feel tired or anything i'm just sick of being bored and i get this feeling like i did something wrong. like i messed something up or said something. but i don't know what i did and it's like it's effecting me or something. like last night after helping out my friend with her problems all i could think about afterwards was my own problems and how lately i've been feeling so shitty and tired and just like emotionally drained or something. i guess it's cause lately i don't know whats going on. and now i think i fucked up somehow. but i'm trying to fix it and it just seems like it's not working. and it's stresing me out. i couldn't sleep last night, couldn't fall back to sleep when i woke up too early this morning and i felt tired all morning. like i wanted to sleep but i couldn't. it was like sleep could solve all problems but i couldn't sleep, so nothing could get solved. it suckedddd...
plus my effing dreams. like WTF. it's really annoying when you have dreams that are so messed but it's stuff that you wish would semi happen. like you wish that when you have a good dream where the dream might not make sense but the result or what ends up happening in the dream is a good thing.... i always find that i wake up and just think why can't life actually be like that? like why is it no matter how hard i try to make stuff work nothing ever works out. i always fuck everything up without meaning to. or something always happens to fuck stuff up. and usually i can tell right away. it's like that thing i have where i know stuff. like i've had this bad feeling for a few days now and no matter what i do or where i go i can't get rid of it.. it follows me around. and i can't tell what the feeling is. like it's not sad or upset or angry.. it's weird. like confused and unsure and a bit upset and sort of hopeless? i don't know. but it's just messing with me. like i actually felt upset last night which hasn't happened in forever. i just want to fix whatever i messed up. i'm not going into details on what the problem is or who it involves but yeahhh. i'm stupid. it's like the saying you never know what you have until it's gone thing but not really? if that makes sense. i don't even know what to say to fix the problem cause it's not like i'm being ignored.. it's like they're talking but just waiting for me to say something. like they're waiting for me to say the right thing to make things to either go back to normal or change? i guess tomorrow i will cause i really need to start sleeping again at night cause i feel like if i don't actually get a good sleep soon i'm going to get sick.