Word vomit

So it's been a while... again. i'm thinking blogging every few days might be better then because then i'll have more to write about. rather then writing dumb little sentences every day. Wellll my dog's being a bit mental right now. Running around like a maniac and barking and squeaking this toy as she's running. It's quite funny but a bit distracting lol. I have discovered that my intuition might be a bit more than normal. How in the world do i figure things out and know what people mean all the time lol. It's probably not normal. But yeahh that's enough rambling about my strange talent haha.

I hate it when you know someone's leaving for a while and you can't get to see them before they leave. It's the worst feeling knowing that you're not going to see them for a while and you don't get to say goodbye or anything. I guess that's what happens when you live away from all of your friends. It sucks. I miss them. But i like to think that everything happens for a reason. So maybe there's a reason why i don't live where they live? haha i can dream right?

Speaking of dreams, my dreams have been slightly not happening lately.. thank god. I was getting sick and tired of having dreams that made no sense and that were like i was living out days. It's really tiring to go to sleep and dream out that you're living out a normal day in your life (only parts of it were a bit abnormal) and then waking up and living your life. I was sooo tired for a while all the time.

Why are boys so dumb? Especially right now. It seems i am cursed with boys. All the boys that i don't want to like me do and all the ones i do like seem to either not like me or something messes up between us. It's frustrating. I hate rejecting guys too. I feel so bad after but it's not like i'm just gonna go out with guys because i feel bad. that'd just be stupid so i guess it's just something you gotta live with? Ughhh

Facebook is funny. It's like the most evil creation ever invented because it's so addicting and its perfect for procrastinating. Which isn't something that i need to do... ever. thanks makers of facebook for making every teenager's life more difficult lol.

I'm desperately wanting it to be sunny outside. I have't seen an actual sunny day in forever. It sucks. I can't wait to be able to sit outside in the sun, then maybe it will actually feel like summer.

Wellllll that's all for now. Buh byeee

Hello. Good morning... actually it's night time. i just wanted to say that

• Heyy so yeahh it's been two days. that's not good. but i've been kinda, semi busy. That's the excuse i'm going to use anyways. So i miss my friends. i wanna go back to school and hang out with them. hopefully when i'm back home i can make more friends here but it won't be the same. hopefully i'll get down to visit my friends in the next week or two though. and i neeeed to get a job. well, find a job. but my resume's on my laptop. and the charger broke and the battery died so it's lovely. so i've just been wasting my time doing random stuff, which probably isn't good. what's the saying? time is money? well i have too much time and too little money right now.

So i'm kinda happy right now. Don't you love it when the person you like talks to you first? and when you have great, funny convos? it's awesome. especially when you haven't seen them in a few weeks. it means they're thinking about you right? i think having a long summer without seeing them might be a good thing though because when september comes around it'll be like starting over, but not because you already know them. and you'll have lots to talk about. maybe that will help move things in the right direction.. whatever that is haha.

It's funny when guys hit on you or flirt with you and try to act casual about it. Especially when it's guys who shouldn't be. like guys with girlfriends, or guys who are your sibling's friends and stuff like that. it just makes it funny. and you don't know what to do about it, especially if it's like a friend because then you can't just like stop talking to them. ugh boys are dumb.

I'm hoping hoping hoping that soon it will be nice outside. i want to go outside. the other day it was thundering and i actually just sat outside in the cold wind and just sat there and listened to the thunder because i was bored.. i waited for it to start raining but it never happened. it would of been a lot nicer if it was sunny outside and i was enjoying the sun.. instead of clouds haha.

so this multitasking isn't working so well, i don't feel like i'm writing anything interesting so i'm gonig to leave it at that. i'll post lataaa

Nondescriptive

• Yeah so post number two.. woot. I'm not exactly sure what i want to write about so i'm just gonna keep typing and see what ends up happening. So it's nice outside today.yay. i'm sick of all the rain and gross weather. It makes me feel tired and gross. Well that's all i have to say about my little weather intro. weather aka the greatest convo starter ever.
  
  Have you ever felt sort of lost? like you're not sure what you're doing, like you're here but not here? I've been feeling like that a lot lately. I don't know if it's because of my seriously messed up dreams or what it is. I keep having either completely messed dreams that i wake up from and think what the fuck was that? Or i have dreams where i live out a day, then i wake up and realize the day hasn't started yet. Either way, it's exhausting mentally. It doesn't help that my friends haven't really been trying to keep in touch with me. I know it's only been like a week but still. It'd be nice if they said hey or something. Only like 2 have. I guess you realize who really likes you when you're gone because they're the ones who miss you and still want to talk to you. I don't know. Maybe i've been replaced? I kind of felt like at one point that one of my friends was kinda taking my place in the friend group. It seems to happen a lot to me. Or maybe it's just that people get bored of me or something? The thing is, it's usually just my girl friends that this happens with. Usually guys still like me and stuff but after a while i find that my girl friends kind of find other people to hang out with. Hopefully i'm just so used to this by now that i'm just being paranoid.
  
  I wish i was harry potter. Or some sort of being with magical powers or something. Just sitting here watching harry potter makes me jealous of him. It'd be awesome to be able to do all those things with just a flick of a wand. I've always wondered about magic and all that stuff. I was seriously obsessed when i was a kid. I was deadset on becoming a witch or something with magic. I used to think i had some powers back then haha. You gotta wonder where it all came from though. Who came up with magic and wands and dragons and goblins and all that? did someone just come up with it all or did it exist at one point or in some other demension or something messed like that? Yeahhh maybe i should stop watching harry potter haha look what it does to my train of thought
  
  One of my problems is that i'm scared to admit stuff to myself. And once i do admit it to myself i'm terrified to admit it to other people. I'm actually scared of a lot of things. more then i'd ever admit to anyone. I'm scared of bugs, heights, drowning, death, supernatural (just because of weird shit that's happened to me in the past though), failing, rejection, being alone.. Most of these things are normal though i guess.
  
  yeahh so that's all for now. I don't have a lot to say today. probably because i'm just bored. Bored of everything. I need to get a job this weekend before i go crazy. A job would be perfect for 3 reasons.
  1. something to do
  2. Money
  3. get out of the house aka sometimes known as the hell house because of my psycho family. I swear they just like playing the blame game and my mom is too stupid to realize half the stuff she does. She just likes to blame stuff on me now because "i haven't been here and when you weren't here nobody ever fought or anythig" yeah fucking right. if that's true then how come my sister would tell me oh me and mom fought today and blah blah blah. Mom just likes to bitch a lot. It's what she does. And when we tell her to stop bitching then she goes psycho and starts screaming. so really theres nothing to do. My youngest sister is the same way. Thinks she knows everything and can't admit that she's wrong. Thats one of the reasons i loved being away from home, because i can't stand being around them when they're like that. I'm the type of person who can't be around tension. When i was at college, the whole time, i never once felt mad at anyone or ever felt my blood boil or felt downright upset or anything. And then the first week i come home i feel like this almost everyday. there's something wrong with this picture. Only less then 4 months though until freedom for another 8 months. woot! hahahaha. godd that's really pathetic.
  laterr

Hello World

• Yeah so hey. Umm i'm just pretty much going to use this to get thoughts and stuff out. Stuff that i really don't talk to other people about.. well i do sometimes but at the same time it's just nice to be able to say everything at once. My name's Molly on here. I'm not going to use my real name because of stalkers and all that. I've gotten the "it's not safe on the internet" speech enough times to have common sense about these kinds of things. But yeah. I'm in college and finished my first year. Woot. Big deal, I know. I'm going to job hunt as soon as my parents can find the time to take me. Horrible huh? "You need to find a job". Well, my resume and everything is done. Now all i need is to get there. And who needs to take me? Well how about you? The people who say they don't have time to take me. Ugh.
  
  I wish i was back at college. It's fun there. My friends are there. Everything i love is there. It's horrible that i'm not really enjoying being at home that much. The only nice things are that i can get showers as long as i want and i don't have to rush around for classes. Oh, and i get to see my dog. That's always a bonus. But really, i miss hanging out with friends and going to parties and chillin with the guys and meeting new people. I don't really have many friends at home. I stopped talking to most of them last summer. Looking back at my old friends, i find a lot of them fake. I never noticed it before but now i do. Just the way they said things and the way they treated other people, it bothers me now. So i don't talk to them anymore. Sucks though cause now i'm kinda lacking in the friends at home department. I still talk to some people who live here, but they're all guys. It's like school this year "You need to make more friends that are girls haha" Yeahh maybe i do lol. But heyy it's not like i planned it that way. I just like hanging out with guys. They're easy to get along with. There's less drama and omg what a bitch and eww i look gross today and blah blah blah.
  
  So yeah, i'm pretty much lacking friends at home and i'm lacking a job. So what have i been doing? Eating probably more than i should.. stupid at home food that i missed so much and now feel so gross after eating. I'm realizing this though so hopefully i will cut down on eating all this chocolate and crackers and other carbs and shit. And i've been exercising. I'm doing it when i'm bored. Why? I'm not sure. I've always been insecure about my body and stuff though. I mean, i used to be the chubby little quiet kid in school. Even now when people are like oh you're skinny. I'm like yeah right. Not at all. I still think i look fat when i look in the mirror. It's definitely not a good thing. But my hip waist ratio and all that is messed so that's probably why.
  
  Running/walking takes off stress anyways. It's a good way to let my mind wander and think about random stuff. And listen to music aka my love. I'm only a little bit obsessed with music and all that. I loveeee to sing. Even though my family tells me i suck i don't care. I still love it. I love rising and lowering my voice to different notes and pitches. I used to want to be a singer when i was a little kid, oh back when life was that simple. Before you realize there's college and life where you still have to work to get a career after grade 12. What do i want to do for a career? Hopefully in 3 years my career will magically be handed to me.. yeah right. Well, i WANT to work for a clothing industry. I'm studying retail and marketing. I love clothes and fashion and i can't really sew or draw that well so i decided why not try the business side of the fashion industry? I'm good at choosing out clothes for other people and matching colors and seeing something and knowing what to do to fix it to make it look better and all that but i know in the fashion industry that's not enough. So business it is. I would love to help promote a clothing line and work with the designers and go to shows and travel and market the clothes to potential companies and all that stuff. I think it's something that i would be really good at.
  
  So, school, life, appearence, job, careers, what's left? oh yeah, boys. UGH. So maybe i'm cursed when it comes to boys. Is that possible? haha it seems like the only explaination. Everytime i like someone something always happens. Something messes up. Maybe it's me. I don't know. But yeah. It's summer now though so i'm not worrying about it. When i go back to school at the end of the summer though, that should be interesting. What do you do if you like someone who you know likes you because you found out they liked you before you became friends with them and now you're really good friends with them and you think they still like you but they're now seeing someone else but still acts like they like you and at the same time still acts like a friend? I know, WTF. haha i think i'm screwed. But you never know, summer changes people. I mean there's like 4 months. A lot can happen in four months. Right?
  
  Well i think that's all for now. I've said all i have to say for today. I will keep updating every few days when something random happens. I'll try to keep it interesting. Byeee