Tick Tock Tick Tock

time.. it can be a good thing or a bad thing. there are two bad things associated with time. waiting, and not having enough of it. when there is a countdown, or a deadline in life is there any point in doing anything or should you just ignore everything and not do anything? cause eventually, well as soon as time is up, it's hard to say if it would of been worth it. right now, all i hear is a clock ticking down.. time getting less and less and it's scary. i actually think something is working against me. i can't seem to get anything right. nothing seems to go how i want it to. it's so frustrating. i try as hard as i can without actually doing anything drastic to get what i want but it seems like it never works, everrr. i wish things could actually go how i want them to. you think i'd deserve for them to eventually right? but i think the worst thing ever is wondering about it later. like if i did this then what might of happened.. it's so confusing and scary because you never know. you don't know what is the right thing to do. it's hard. and i don't know what to do at all.

headache, heartache

is it possible to get a headache from effed up feelings? like if you're completely stressing over something and confused and worried then can you get headaches from it? it's quite a possibilty because i think i might of gotten one lol. it's better now though, thank god but it was really annoying when i woke up. so what's the problem? welll lots of stuff. i'm seriously feeling messed. like sometimes i'm just like omg... and other times i dunno lol.

Drrrrraaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmaaaaaa

what's the point or arguing and fighting? i actually don't see a point at all. it's just all unneccessary shit. i usually don't argue with people.. well besides my mom and siblings. because i don't like causing problems, especially with other people. it's dumbbb. i don't think i've ever had a actual fight with a friend in years. and not many people can say that lol. really though, stupid little things don't need to be stressed over. if you're upset about something don't take it out on another person, find a way to get rid of your anger or whatever thenn talk to them. bickering and yelling and screaming has no point. it only causes problems, it doesn't resolve any. there's a nice little saying for ya there.

Sorry to rain on your parade

rain rain rain. do you ever find that rain makes the day seem so gloomy? i find it makes me feel tired for some reason. like the weather affects my mood or something. a lot of people find that. it makes me wish for sun every day. but then i guess we'd all die from lack of hydration and plants and everything so yeahhh bad idea. i think this on again off again rain is kinda representing how i'm feeling right now. i'm getting mixed feelings about everything that's happening. sometimes i'm happy, other times i'm just stressed and confused. but i guess if you knew eveything in life and there wasn't such things as complications then life wouldn't be very exciting at all lol. i wanna know what everyone's thinking. i wanna be able to tap into their minds. it'd make life easier, that's for sureee. lately i've just been loving doing the simpliest things. i'm not sure whyy. but i've been loving just laying out in the sun, even without music and just listening to the birds and the wind and everything.. tuning out everything else. it's super nice. i've been sitting out in the breeze too. and just feeling the wind.. however weird that might sound lol. but i just sit there and feel where the wind is touching me on my fingers or the side of my face or my arm or whatever. and then you mix that with where you can feel the sun. it's actually like soo relaxing. like meditation to only concentrate on nature and nothing else. it makes you feel so relaxed and intune with yourself.
people need to stop being so confusing. actually i think the thing is that people need to decide. decisions need to be made in life. cause you can't just sit around and wait for stuff to happen. what's that saying? you only live once so be sure to make the right choices? yeah well tell that to the world pleasee. i'm not the type of person to let stuff get to me though. i'm.. what do you call it.. thick skulled? haha or does that mean dumb? i'm not sure lol but i don't get caught up in stupid stuff. i don't like drama and i try to stay clear of complications. but honestly people. i think one of the problems is that people don't know what they want. they don't realize stuff until it's too late. they're faced with choices and they're scared and they don't know what to do so they take the choice that they feel safest in taking. it's sad but it's true. i've been there loads of times and i hate to say it but i've taken the safe choice... a lot.
and like a rhythmed drum my heart beats faster and faster up into the sky and on to the ocean, waves that crash on the shore..the little moments.. each little grain of sand, sparkling in the sun.

Oops i did it again

Helloooo
so i might be a horrible person lol. i actually might be. but i can't help it. welll okay i probablyy could. actually. i don't think i can. it's one of those things that you wish you could stop from happening but you can't. cause you can't control some things. like how you feel and stuff. i wishh i could control my feelings better cause this is actually a badd situation lol. soo much could go wrong. well, will go wrong. people will be pisseddd if i get my way lol. and i dunno what to do about anything. i've just been doing nothing. cause that's all that i'm able to do. i mean what else can i do? Arghh fml.
of course this would happen though lol. my friend called that this was going to happen but i didn't think it would. i was all "noo lol don't worry, i know, i'll be fine. it's nothing. so what we talk all the time?" shouldaa listened to her haha. she was all "you know what? i can tell that you guys like each other even though you can't." but i thought she was crazy.
but really. i
i just drew a blank there haha. didn't want to delete it cause it sums up whats going through my head right now. i'm sooo like... i don't know. confused, stressed, kind of mad at myself. it's frustrating. and it just feels like it's getting worse and worse all the time. but it's not like i can say anything... cause they'd be like noo you can't say anything. you can't like him. that's the problem.







AHHH lol

It's been a while....

Hey so i'm gonna try something a bit different. I have a lot on my mind lately and i'm not sure how to put it into paragraphs or whatever so i'm just gonna go from line to line and see what happens.
i don't know what to think
the bunches of thoughts swirling around my brain
like a ball of yarn or something, a impossible knot
unable to untangle and rearrange into something readable or understandable
i guess i'm just not sure
i've ran, i've hid, i've done so much
and now it's like i'm at a fork in the road
two ways to go, one easier
but the easy route's the way i've always taken
that's the problem
i worry too much, i'm scared
although i'd never admit it
to admit it to myself is hard enough
i've built up these walls my whole life
to keep myself safe..
block others out and keeping myself whole
but now i don't know if keeping up those walls is worth it anymore
impossible decisions, two different voices arguing in my brain
which one is louder i don't know
trying to lay each piece of this puzzle out
to piece it together and decide on the path to take
need to believe in something
not sure if it's fate
but something seems to be at work here
i guess i'll just let the pieces fall themselves
and see where they lead me
and let my head and heart continue to argue
a conclusion will come soon